The culture of birth control is a strong one. It is an accepted practice by most Christians and unfortunately, most religions today. An article from 2012 states that 82% of Catholics accept birth control although the Church is against it. Why is this?
Simply put: money.
Of course, money is important. We all need a roof and we all have to eat. However, once these needs are met, once our bellies are full and we are warm and sheltered, are we satisfied?
I know how exciting it can be to open a gift or to treat myself to a well-deserved treat now and then. However, when we make ourselves a priority over God and his desires for us, we are hurting ourselves. I am a woman in my thirties and I have six children. This is a large number in most eyes, and many people are offended. They are offended that I chose to have six children, which is incredible to me. A friend I have known since high school once posted a picture of her lovely, single, childless- by-choice self cruising in a convertible on Facebook. I commented on how awesome her car was, to which she replied, ” Yeah, this is the stuff you get to buy when you don’t have kids!” I am sure she was not trying to be hurtful, but it did sting. Then I felt sorry for her. She did not know any better. She has been conditioned, like millions of others, to believe that materials things are more important than children. People that chose things over children tell themselves:
I want an expensive fancy car that makes me look cool, not a child who loves me unconditionally.
I want to be free to go where I want, when I want, not a child to inconvenience me.
I want to party forever, not a child to interrupt me.
When did we become so shallow? Why does money rule our lives, not enrich it? It is too easy to become comfortable in that way of thinking because of our culture of instant gratification and the glorification of birth control. When we cut our cable off to be able to afford more groceries and other items for our growing family, we were met with disbelief: “How in the world can you not watch cable?” When I really want to ask them in the same incredulous tone: “How can you pay so much for cable, when there are so many people in the world who will not eat tonight?”
I am sure you have all heard it: “You can’t take it with you when you go…” So why do we still choose earthly pleasures over those that will grant us eternal peace in Heaven? I believe the Lord will reward me for my dutiful fulfillment of his vocation for me: motherhood. It is a sacrifice, to be sure, but I do not want to be “rich” in the monetary sense. The love I feel from my children far surpasses any amount of money, cars, houses, boats and jewelry I could ever accumulate on this Earth. My children are my treasures and He is my King. I am already rich, indeed.
18 thoughts on “Missed Conceptions”
I’ve never understood how people can be offended at how many children another person has. if you’re not paying for them, frankly, it’s none of your business how many kids people have.
by the same token, it’s amazing how many Catholic bloggers like you assume (implicitly and otherwise) that the reason some people stop having children at 43 is simply because they want more money for expensive cars in fancy clothes and vacations. my wife and I stopped because our two autistic children in their accompanying treatments have cost that literally cost us nearly $20,000 a year for the past five years. I wouldn’t want a dime of that money back, But there are still mortgages to pay car payments to pay in rising credit card bills to pay.
If you meant to imply that most Catholics using artificial birth control are as vain and superficial as your friend with the convertible, I think you have over simplified the matter. Many of them are probably a lot like Catholics who haven’t chosen to use ABC for family planning – they are motivated by a sense of responsibility in the face of the serious problems having to do with money and the lack of it, although perhaps with less confidence in providence than you.
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Speaking of responsibility, I’d appreciate an account from someone who advocates unlimited procreation of the tasks and responsibility they charge older children in large families with.
There’s no doubt that financial situations play a part in people deciding when and if to have children. This is responsible decision-making. But the responsibility of raising a child extends far beyond financial stability. People need to be emotionally stable and mature, capable of meeting their child’s emotional needs. The importance of this cannot be overstated. Financial stability equips parents to meet their child’s physical needs, not their emotional needs. People also need to be committed to the tremendous effort it takes to raise a child. Is this not evident from the society we live in? Yes, children bring indescribable joy to those who undertake the task, but those who do not are exercising prudent decision-making. They are not necessarily shallow.
“I am sure you have all heard it: “You can’t take it with you when you go…” So why do we still choose earthly pleasures over those that will grant us eternal peace in Heaven?”
Because most people today are materialists. They simply don’t believe in heaven, and if this is all there is, then you may as well get as much as you can. It’s perfectly logical. Sad, but logical.
I am a materialist, not the kind that craves material things, the kind that only believes in a material universe governed by the laws of nature.
I suppose it might come down to getting as much as you can but it doesn’t have to be that way if one doesn’t want to be shallow and hedonistic.
Loved your post. As a mother of 4, now adult children, who have given me 8 grandchildren (with number 9 on the way), the love and care of children which always brings joy AND pain AND sacrifice has been the best blessing of my life. I totally agree with the Church’s view of artificial birth control and respect for life. BUT as a pastoral counselor, I have come to see that we are human and there are some who are not suited for parenthood. It is sad, but best that these people honestly choose not to have children.
Karen,
I think it is great that you enjoy having children and anyone who begrudges you of that should mind their own business. However, while you may be perfectly suited to having and being part of a large family, some of us opt for a smaller one.
My wife put aside her career long enough for us to have two sons. For us, two was enough. If there is a downside, we don’t have any grandchildren yet because neither has married yet. But I am sure that will change and eventually we will be grandparents.
In planning our family, we had to ignore the Church’s stand on birth control. I read Humanar Vitae and found it to be a bit nonsensical. The biggest argument seemed to be that couples like my wife and I are not fully giving of ourselves to one another when we use artificial means to prevent conception. Evidently this is not the case if we practice abstinence to achieve the same purpose. Once I read HV I was certain that Paul VI did not know us better than we knew ourselves and one another. I would not have been giving more of myself to my wife by constantly impregnating her and not letting her go back to her job when it was still available. Would she be giving more of herself to me if she stayed home and raised more kids. That was for me to decide, not a pope.
I believe you missed the point of Humanae Vitae. Yes, abstinence is giving yourself to your spouse. Not having marital relations at times is a sacrifice you give your spouse. It is giving, a gifft to the other to give up something for the good of your spouse. I disagree with your implication that God’s plan is irrelevant. You planned to have two children, used artificial birth control because you know better than the Pope, and not once do you mention God. God is our loving Father and He kows what is good for us. All the dogma and doctrine of Holy Church are there to prescribe a good life for us. As Adam and Eve wrongly decided, many of us now decide, we know better than God. Just as you would tell your sons not to do certain things (play with fire, play with a chainsaw, drink and drive, take drugs, walk on the highway, etc) because you know, as a father, what is best for them. When they are little, they cannot understand why you would say no to some of these things they want to do. From your point of view, as a father, you KNOW those things would harm them. Perhaps God wants those of us called to the vocation of marriage to have children because it is His plan to bring more souls to life for Him to love eternally. And we married couples are cooperating in God’s plan. Thank you and God bless.
“Perhaps God wants those of us called to the vocation of marriage to have children because it is His plan to bring more souls to life for Him to love eternally.”
Yes. That seems to be a valid reason to you. It doesn’t work for me. Good family planning is a responsible thing to do and the use of contraceptives is an essential part of that. The idea that a young married couple actually give more of themselves to one another by practicing abstinence until they are ready for children or that a husband gives more of himself to his wife by constantly impregnating her seems a bit ridiculous to me.
I think we agree. Holy Church includes the word “responsible” when teaching married couples to be open to life. Your scenarios are not consistent with Church teaching so we are on the same page. The Church does not ask married couples to remain abstinent until ready for children nor could a husband who “constantly” impregnates his wife be considered responsible. Being judicious, and sometimes sacrificing our desires, in our marital acitivites allows us to live our lives to the fullest AND cooperate fully with God’s plan for new life. You might want to look into Theology of the Body by Saint John Paul II. It’s very clearly explained.
God bless.
“Being judicious, and sometimes sacrificing our desires, in our marital acitivites allows us to live our lives to the fullest AND cooperate fully with God’s plan for new life.”
So I’ve been told. I didn’t see that as God’s plan for us. Now I don’t believe in any gods, angels, demons, etc. or any plan. It’s a moot issue.
I can tell you that some U.S. Chinese families have only two children because they know they will send them to schools that cost astronomical amounts and those Chinese will drive very ordinary cars in order to make that possible. I know three such families.
I think some white couples fear bringing children into modern life with its car accidents, child molestors, car jackings and the myriad things they see on the news every night. Thousands of children and adults were just killed by an earthquake in Nepal so they did not die surrounded by love no matter how many children they had and Christ said such things were but the beginning of sorrows. If Christ said that and He did, Catholic chipper essays are not exactly matching what Christ said.
The fearful couples end up having several children but not six. Their fear could also be because they saw more bad things than others when they were young….like parents fighting over money.
I think you have taken the best course for you and scripture affirms your course in an unusual manner which no Pope I remember ever stressed…I Tim.2:15 ” Yet she shall be saved through child bearing, if she continue in faith, and love, and sanctification, with sobriety.”
Notice the IF. There are plenty of bad women in poor neighborhoods with many children by different men. Pope Francis’ rabbits comment must be seen in context. He was returning from the Phillipines which has a huge street waif problem which leads to their sex trafficing problem. I saw a video showing a 65 year old Phillipine man with 11 children living in a jittney…a small bus which was his livelihood during the day. Two of his children had left that bus home and were living in some charity’s building with other youngsters. Now does Francis’ comment seem more understandable.
Well, I would never be off-putting about your choice to have six loving children and I would consider it laudable. As for the post, you opine that the reason the overwhelming number of Catholic (church-going or self-identified) choose to disregard a Catholic teaching on artificial birth control is because of money.
There is a small truth that some couples choose material goods over children. I believe this number is small unless you have data to the contrary. My belief is that many people simply cannot afford children or even one child. It is a well known fact that 1 in 5 children in America are unsure about where their next meal will come from. In metro areas, it is impossible to afford housing and food on a minimum wage income. 20% of children live in a “food insecure” household through no fault of their own.
http://thinkprogress.org/economy/2014/04/21/3429174/feeding-america-hungry-kids/
The parents cannot have a child nor children because of money….they have none. Other parents, like myself, have a child who is medically complex and needs 24/7 care …were my wife and I to have another child, mine would die from a lack of care. In the US one in 12 children are defined as disabled and these parents cannot afford another child, simply not afford…not to by a BMW, but to provide costly care. Yes, money is the root, you are right. I know very few parents who bypass having kids to vacation and party all the time. Our social social supports in the U.S. do not support the poor, the disabled, the homeless, the hungry with enough money and services to exist never mind have kids. Those who can have kids, should, those who have not the capacity should have the right to say No! Why would anyone have children if they couldn’t house nor feed them? And the situation is far more extreme in developing nations. You have choice; many people do not have choice. It is for this reason among many others, that I believe the position opposing artificial birth control is misplaced and wrong. So money? yes a factor but for the majority not in the way you imagine.
May God bless you! I come from a very large family and we now have so many Grandchildren we could populate a city and fill the Church for Mass and do when we all go together for a Baptism 🙂 I absolutely love my huge family, so many people loving, caring and praying for one another! So many many children, I feel very blessed. No one in my family believes birth control is right. Isn’t it wonderful choosing God and family over the world? Money and things are empty cold and can’t love…only we can choose that!
Right on! Love hearing someone speak sanely. So rare these days.
God Bless you. And I know He will.
You go girl – and you won’t die alone. You have described the various reasons (if yoi can call them “reason”) for many prodeath women who are now publicly “celebrating” their abortions. [google abortion celebrations]. We will not laugh at them as they die alone, nor dance on their graves. They need our prayers now and then. There is little on this earth like hugging a grandchild and laughing. Guy McClung, San Antonio