Marian Consecration is Not a “Nice” Thing to Do

Committing myself to Jesus through Mary in Consecration seemed like a nice thing to do. Growing up in a Catholic home, I went to Mass every week because my parents dragged me. I wasn’t quite kicking and screaming, but I certainly was in need of an attitude adjustment. Years of CCD seemed uninspiring. I don’t remember what I was taught except that our 6th-grade Confirmation teacher told us we couldn’t make our Confirmation unless we memorized prayers. If I wasn’t so stubborn, I’d have seen that wasn’t an unreasonable request for anyone in the class. I remember fighting my way through the Apostle’s Creed and am not sure I ever passed that test. If I did, I viewed the Creed like the impossible spelling lists my 3rd-grade public school teacher gave us, something I gritted my teeth over and then tossed aside as soon as the test was over.

I also remember that same Confirmation teacher having us rewrite John Lennon’s “Imagine,” to make it Catholic. “Imagine there’s a Heaven. It’s easy if you try…” That exercise was powerful. I learned how easily influenced we can be by seemingly fun and innocent things like music.

Now, I almost always listen to Christian music, watch positive programming, and have even stopped reading the trashy Harlequin type romance novels I grew up reading (and believing in). A lot of me had changed since I was that sixth grader. I thought I’d left that reluctance to embrace Church teachings behind. I didn’t realize I was still stubbornly resisting a connection to Mary.

Over the last decade, I’d understood and connected to my Catholic faith and had begun seeing Mary as someone more than “just” Christ’s mother. I’d begun praying the Rosary every day. I enjoyed thinking of presenting her with a bouquet of prayers as I said it. At the same time, I’d been praying with my focus on the Scriptural Rosary, so my thoughts were mostly of Jesus.

A lot of my focus was like that. I was still like that sixth grader. I was called to give to Mary and gave just enough to pass the test, but I always had one eye on the clock and one foot out the door waiting to go on to bigger and better things. Mary was okay, but let’s move on to Jesus and the good stuff!

On the contrary, Marian Consecration seemed to be a nice way to show Jesus I loved His mother and was willing to be more thankful to her because of Him. To me, the consecration was less about Mary and more about what I understood.

Marian Consecration Seemed Like a “Nice” Thing to Do

I’d agreed to consecration because it seemed like a nice way to grow closer to Jesus through Mary. Growing closer to Mary seemed okay too, but as I got further into what consecration called us to, I became increasingly disturbed.

Consecration called us to turn over ourselves, including all our prayers and redemptive suffering, to Mary to do with as she wanted. She would take all I had and distribute it to those who have the most need. The anti-redistribution of wealth side of me protested this. If I worked for my faith while others were lazy, self-centered, or turned their backs, why should they benefit?

Consecration meant no more would what I offered to be deposited for me or for those I loved, not even for my children. Could I do this? I pictured myself standing before the Lord on Judgment Day with no good deeds, no lengthy prayer, no past suffering to wrap around myself in justification for getting into Heaven. It would just be me alone, naked and exposed as I stood atop a pile of my sins for all to see.

I’d have nothing of any worth to show the Lord. It’s one thing to say you’ll pray for another. It’s another to offer up all you have and to Trust. I longed for someone to ask about this. I longed for an end to isolation and confusion consecration brought.

The Darkness of Consecration Just Deepened

Consecration asked us to spend a week reading, pondering, and reflecting on the words of those who had consecrated themselves before us. We began with Saint Louis DeMontfort, then moved on to Saint Maximilian Kolbe, Saint Teresa of Calcutta, and finally Saint Pope John Paul II, but it seemed too much!

I couldn’t figure out if this was God or Satan asking me to commit myself to Mary. We are told to Worship only the Lord yet consecration seemed very close to crossing lines, and throughout I felt very Protestant instead of nicely Catholic.

Louis DeMontfort told us to hand over all we had to Mary. Maximilian Kolbe told us to embrace her as the “Created Immaculate Conception,” and Mother Teresa told us to give our hearts to Mary.

I couldn’t understand what any of it meant. I had worked so hard after my husband had left to give my heart to God, to not allow my heart to be led astray by dating the wrong people, by jumping into a relationship none of us were ready for, or by falling in love with things of this world. Now, the Church was telling me to give my heart to Mary? I’d just gotten comfortable giving my heart to God. I belonged to Him.

Divorce Influences the Path of Marian Consecration

Throughout the five weeks of consecration, I kept seeing myself on a path in the woods. Ahead, close enough for me to touch but far enough that I could run my fastest for hours upon hours and never reach them, stood Mary and my Lord. They were together. Their arms must have been around one another because their sides melded together. Their flowing robes made it impossible for me to see where one began and the other ended. Their outer arms extended as if they reached for me. I felt them welcoming me and wanting me to join them, but joining them was not easy.

I saw myself on that path so close yet so far, and could not bring myself to make eye contact or take a step. I was frozen, unmoving, and confused. I saw any movement forward as a being forced to make a choice. If I went to Mary,  I’d be choosing her over God. If I went to God, I am turning my back on consecrating myself to Jesus

Mary is the wife of the Holy Spirit. God is my Father. How could I choose which to turn to? Another meeting got snowed out, and I knew it was time to quit. I emailed the director, thanking her for her time but letting her know I could not go through with it.

I expected a polite, thanks for trying a type of response. Instead, I got a confident the devil wants to drive a wedge between you and Mary type of response. I hadn’t expected that or thought of it quite that way. It was enough to inspire me to go to the last and final meeting before consecration to Mary on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes.

At that meeting, I sat listening to discussions flowing around me about Saint John Paul II’s words and his embrace of Mary. I watched these beautiful people who seemed to overflow with joy for our mother and at peace with themselves and I wondered silently at them. This last meeting had also been threatened with snow closings, but “coincidentally” the snow had stopped just in time. I’d been hoping to find insight there because of the snow. I got some benefit from the meeting, but in truth, things said there opened up more questions and confused me about messages I was meant to hear and what I may have been reading too much into. In some ways, I felt more isolated and alone with this group which had so obviously bonded in my absence.

I left the meeting positive I wouldn’t be consecrating myself that weekend and unsure of whether I’d ever make a Marian Consecration. You can find out more about that, how I turned around so quickly thanks in part to an answer to my call for help from Leila Miller, and coincidences and gifts in my Marian Consecration in my consecration series beginning with Hungering in a Cold Darkness & My Marian Consecration.

So many discoveries were made. Originally I thought those discoveries were made in the last few days before consecration, but looking back, I realize I had been making discoveries all the way through. I just hadn’t absorbed them. I had been caught up in my own confusion.

One of my biggest post consecration discoveries was that I was not alone in my questioning or doubt. After emerging from this period of trial and talking to people who have gone through similar consecrations before me, I understand the Wisdom behind the consecration director and Leila Miller’s urging me to stay in it, to trust in the Church, and to not let the devil put a wedge between Mary and myself. I have since heard of other stories of people, each in his or her own struggle, being bombarded, isolated, and under spiritual attack.

The devil has a limited script. He repeats the same lies. We each just hear them differently. In the case of before, during, and after Marian consecration, the devil knows he is at risk and ups the ante. I wonder how many times he succeeds in getting others to drop out, to turn away, to believe their own understanding of the teachings of Catholic doctrine?

I know it almost happened to me. I know it will happen to others. Don’t let it happen to you. Trust. Believe. Pray. Lean not on your own understanding. If you are thinking at all of making a consecration to Mary, I’d urge you to do it. Do it, but not because it’s a “nice” thing because it isn’t a nice thing at all. Marian Consecration will challenge and push you and tempt you to throw in the towel on the consecration and on so much. This is not the consecration. This is the devil trying to drive a wedge between you and a greater understanding and an outpouring of unselfish Love as most of the world may never know. Most things worth doing are not “nice” things. Marian Consecration is one of the best!

The 100th Anniversary of Our Lady of Fatima occurs May 13th. To consecrate yourself to Jesus through Mary in honor of this special day would be especially beautiful. If you’re interested in doing so, you can begin the consecration on April 11th. just know it won’t necessary be an easy calling nor a “nice” however thing to do., however, e well worth it, and it can be life changing! I know it was for me! No more wishy washy gratitude toward My Mary!

If you have questions or find yourself struggling and in need of encouragement during Marian Consecration reach out to me or to someone more qualifies than I to help you through. This is a beautiful calling!

God Bless…