Love The Sinner, Hate The Sin

I still occasionally hear the old platitude of “Love the sinner; hate the sin.” I find, however, that in practice people are often much better at the latter than the former.

It may be that some observations are in order.  For one thing, love tends to focus sharply on the love object.  Hate, however, has a way of spreading out across the landscape, feeding as it goes.

David and Bathsheba

One of the most vivid examples of loving the sinner and hating the sin involves God’s love for King David.  David desired Bathsheba and arranged the circumstances of the death of Uriah the Hittite, Bathsheba’s husband.  David is ultimately forgiven and Bathsheba eventually gives birth to David’s second son, Solomon.

The complete story is found in 2 Samuel, Chapters 11 and 12.  And notice that while the Lord removes David’s sin from him, David is still punished by the death of his first son from Bathsheba.

The whole pattern can be reduced to God loves David, David messes up, but God still loves David and the sin still has consequences. Tough love, perhaps, but constant – and while the sins are definite, the love for the sinner never wanes.

The ultimate of this is Jesus showing his love for us by giving up his life for us “while we were yet in sin” as Paul wrote. He hated our sins enough and yet loved us enough to die for us to save us from our hateful sins.

The secret here is the focus on the love object.

Despising Sin

When we despise a sin in general, abstract terms, we tend to separate it from ourselves and focus instead on its destructive nature. But when we despise a sin in practice, it is hard to separate it from the person who committed the sin.

We are uncomfortably aware, from our own experience, how we rationalize, excuse, or justify our own sins. Most often we are unhappily aware of our own rebellion, our determination to have our way, our desires, and/or any other factors that led us into our misbehavior.  In short, we may be reluctant to admit all this about our own sins.

But when it comes to someone else’s sins we have a pretty shrewd estimate of how unlikely it is that the person we are observing just happened to be walking down the street, trip on a branch and stumble into committing a sin.

Loving the Sinner

Focusing on sin and sinfulness is frightening, so it is natural for us to want to separate ourselves from those who sin (which, not coincidentally, also helps us ignore our own sinfulness). Hating the sinner along with the sin arises from this impulse.

Instead, try starting with someone you really love.  Imagine that a loved one has suffered a disfigurement because of something he or she did wrong.  Say for example, the loved one was driving while intoxicated and crashed into some abutment, injuring his or her face.

You might be angry at what the person did (and thankful no one else was hurt), but your sorrow over the loved one’s injury outweighs the anger.  Your grief over the loved one’s disfigurement causes you continuing pain. Your loved one has been hurt and damaged, but your anger – your hatred – of the pain and disfigurement does not diminish your love. In fact, your love inflames your reaction.

For the physical injury, substitute the injury of sin. You now have a start, at least, of hating the disfiguring sin and loving the sinner.

Practice

The way to activate this attitude in our lives is like the path to Madison Square Garden in the old joke: “Practice, practice, practice!”

Given that nobody is perfect, most of us (potentially) have a head start with our family and friends. If we look at our attitudes, it may be that more often than not we love the sinner and overlook the sin, but it is still a place to start.

But if we are honest with ourselves, there is a place in our modern world where we need this understanding of charity desperately: Love the person even when you hate their politics.

This is not to say that we ought to pretend to agree with someone’s politics, or pretend a sinful political position (like unlimited access to government funded abortion) is not actually sinful.  But in this year of our Lord 2021, we are very much in danger of becoming like those who were too scandalized by Jesus’ propensity to eat with sinners and tax collectors to understand his reason for doing do: he wanted to bring them to repentance through love and teaching.

Doing this is not easy. People are reluctant to change their minds and attitudes.  But if we are to have any chance of changing them, we must approach them lovingly and not lead with hatred of the sin.

The Enemy Lurks

Of the many areas in which we might seek to imitate Christ, this is one that is personally challenging and fraught with peril.  We cannot dismiss or endorse sin.   How then, can we still lead people toward reconciliation?

The enemy lurks “prowling like a lion” ready to take advantage of our compassion and twist it to his own ends. Yet to fail to try is to abandon others to the risk of their souls.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, you sacrificed your earthly life to save us, sinners, from our sins. Lead us to the kind of love that, shown forth in our lives, may draw others to your example so that you may also deliver them from their sins.  Thank you for all your great mercies and blessings as we work to deliver the harvest you so much desire. Amen.