Life and Prayer

We pray the way we live and we live the way we pray.  It’s some of the best advice I’ve ever been given.  Our “regular life” often – if not always – mirrors our prayer life.   This has been a benchmark for me when life seems to get out of hand.

At a basic level, this means that if we’re not praying, we’re not living; at least not the life we’re called to be living.  (If there is a better diagnosis of the mess our culture is in, I haven’t heard it.)  I believe, though, that if we ask ourselves what’s wrong with our “outer life,” we will see that it often has its origin in our prayer life.  With that in mind, let me suggest a few aspects of this “mirroring” and how we can use the one to help us with the other.

Does life seem off-balance, a cross between a high-speed merry-go-round and bumper cars?  Perhaps, then, the first thing needed is regularity, or, if you like, fidelity.  God should be the center of our lives, and prayer is where we find God.  You can’t expect much out of anything in life if you only do it from time to time.  Diet, exercise, study, playing an instrument or learning a sport all require a commitment to a fixed regime.

A Regular Prayer Time

Prayer is no different.  We need a set time and place, day in and day out, knowing there will be highs and lows and occasional drop-offs.  If we want anything to produce fruit, we have to tend the garden regularly even when we don’t “feel like it.”  This doesn’t mean you will control the rest of your life, but prayer will give you an anchor of stability.

Does your life resemble a teenager’s bedroom – shirts here, shoes there, underwear, and socks who knows where?  What is needed is order.  A thing is only as good as the preparation for it. For example, cooking has the rule mise en place – a French expression meaning “everything in its place.” You have all the ingredients out and measured; all the knives, cups, etc. at hand before you start. You’ve read the recipe a few times so you know what’s coming.

Prepare

To get more out of your prayer, have it prepared.  Whatever the subject of your prayer – a scripture passage or a reading from the saints – have it ready.  Read it slowly for a few minutes the night before.  Then, have everything in place where you intend to pray – scripture, journal, pen, coffee. You are ready to pray, you will pray better, and you will get more order in your life.

Even at the best of times in our daily duties, it can be hard to focus.  Our body is there, but our mind isn’t.  We wash the dishes, but they’re still dirty.  We make the bed, but one side touches the floor and the other is five inches short.  We live a slipshod life.  Our culture does seem designed to foster mental, psychological, and spiritual A.D.D.  To bring some focus to your daily life, bring if first to prayer.  What we want is attentiveness or recollection.

Distractions

A frequent comment about a saint is that “He made me feel as though I were the only person in the world.”  God has that attitude to us in prayer – do we return the favor?  Of course, the place and time for prayer should be as free from distractions as possible (with the cell phone turned off). Now everyone, even the saints, gets distracted at prayer, and how much of that is really our own fault is for each of us to judge.  This may help: write down or underline the focus of your prayer.  When you find your mind drifting, look at it.  Say it aloud if needed.  It’s like those “blinders” on racehorses that keep them from looking at the other horses.  Icons or images can help here, too.  This intensity and recollection at prayer will carry over into your life throughout the day.

Listen

We have a lot of noise in our lives, both inside and outside our heads.  This leads to another issue – listening.  How many problems have we had in life because we just weren’t listening – to our spouses, our children, our friends, neighbors, clients, bosses. We love a good listener; so does God.  The rule of St. Benedict has a beautiful expression – listening with the ear of the heart.  This is hard and takes time.  I have a friend – one of the best listeners I’ve ever known – who literally bites his lip when you’re talking to him so he keeps his mouth shut.  I’ve tried this in prayer and, while I may look funny, it helps.

Slow Down

Along the same lines, whose life isn’t hurried? We miss so much trying to “get things done.”  We’re like the person who keeps flipping from station to station on the radio, never staying on one station long enough to hear one complete song. Prayer is about being present to God.  Slow it down.  In prayer as in life, there are no extra points for simply “getting it done” if it’s not done well.  Pray one word at a time.  If a particular word or phrase strikes you – either by consolation or conviction – STOP.  Stay there.  Chew on it.  Savor it.

As a teacher, I can tell you that one of the biggest problems students have is trying to do “C” before they do “A” and “B.” I think we all have that to some extent.  Also, I have a bias here.  While it can help to have prayers and the mass parts on our phones, I believe the texture and look of paper, the ability to touch the written word, to write comments and notes, help to slow things down.  As I look at it, the Word became flesh, not digital.  If we can slow down our prayer, we’ll slow down our life.

Pretense

Another way our lives get off track is by pretense. We waste much time, and cause ourselves and others much trouble, by beating about the bush, justifying and defending ourselves, and not admitting a problem, and asking for help.  If we just had more humility and sincerity.  In one of her evening prayers, Jane Austen wrote,  “Thou art everywhere present; from Thee, no secret can be hidden.  May the knowledge of this teach us to fix our thoughts on Thee with reverence and devotion that we pray not in vain.”

So, if something is bothering you – a habitual sin, an addiction, someone you just can’t stand – just admit it.  Don’t let shame, embarrassment, or pride get in the way. God knows our problems better than we do, so don’t hide them.  Think of the simplicity of our Lady’s prayer at Cana. “They have no more wine.”  So, God, I have a problem with “X.”  Then, go back to listening. If we can ace these issues in prayer, we’ll be more apt to face them in life.

Perspective

Finally, a difficult thing to admit, but life can seem burdensome because we are selfish.  Self-pity is draining. We should have a list of people to pray for.  Have you ever had the experience of being overwhelmed at work or worrying about paying the bills, then you get word of a friend who has cancer or someone whose spouse has just been killed in an accident?  Puts things in perspective, doesn’t it?  Praying for others not only gets us out of self-pity but also makes us more attentive to others when we leave our prayer.  And that is as it should be.

These are suggestions and, as I said, I’m sure you can think of other ways to make your prayer “in sync” with the rest of your life.  The bottom line is before you try getting your outer life in order, get your inner life in order.  Prayer is the basis of life; as you pray, so you will live.