The Importance of Dialogue in Relationships

A dialogue, by one definition, can be described as a conversation between two or more persons. By necessity, an exchange of some kind must take place in the form of a “back and forth” by each party. The conversation between a lender and a borrower, for instance, might include questions about the purpose of the loan from the lender, and the terms and conditions about repayment from the borrower. A successful dialogue will result in a conclusion that is mutually accepted by all. If not, future conversations will likely be necessary.

A Dialogue with God

In marriage, dialogue is essential. Daily communication between spouses ensures a healthy, functional household. A “one-party rule” where ideas cannot be freely exchanged, will result in disharmony and imbalance. When dialogue is reduced to monologue, dysfunction and misunderstanding will surely follow. The “daily bread” of dialogue is as reliable as “an apple a day” in the health of a relationship.

In prayer, we dialogue with God. We express what is on our minds and hearts, and God answers. There is, more often than not, a period of latency regarding God’s response. Also, God’s answer might involve the challenge of understanding a “language” not readily comprehensible at first. We speak within the constraints of temporal conditions, while God responds with no restrictions.

“Because You Ask Wrongly”

The answer to our prayers, therefore, often come at a time and place we least expect. The mode of transmission can be equally unpredictable. Sometimes, in our prayers of petition, it seems as though we are not being heard. In reality, the request itself might need modification. Saint James sheds light on how our prayers might not be answered according to our expectations:

You desire and do not have; so you kill. And you covet and cannot obtain; so you fight and wage war. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. (James 4:2-3)

Killing, coveting, and passions aside, “asking wrongly” should be considered as a possibility when the efficacy of prayer is examined. Even if we get past obstacles in our requests, further refinement may be required. This refinement can only be brought about through the process of dialogue. Asking for anything, from information to goods and services, requires a certain clarity of expression. The party on the receiving end of a given request should also be clear in responding.

Jesus and the Canaanite Woman

Even the relatively simple process of ordering a meal almost always requires dialogue. The following exchange between Jesus and the Canaanite woman in Matthew’s Gospel sheds light on the importance of dialogue:

[The Canaanite woman] came and did Jesus homage, saying, “Lord, help me.” He said in reply, “It is not right to take the food of the children and throw it to the dogs.” She said, “Please, Lord, for even the dogs eat the scraps that fall from the table of their masters.” Then Jesus said to her in reply, “O woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish.” And the woman’s daughter was healed from that hour. (Matthew 15:25-28)

Initially, Jesus appears to reject the woman’s request for help. Undeterred, she states her case by arguing that she should, at the very least, be treated on the same level as a child or dog. Once we get past the apparent harshness of a literal reading of this account, we can discern the deeper message of the importance of dialogue.

Asking as Children

Although dialogue does not always involve asking for something specific, at a minimum we are seeking a response of some kind. In our relationship with God, we come as children, wholly dependent on divine providence. Our answer will always involve what is best for us, as explained in the following passage from the Gospel of Matthew:

Ask, and it will be given you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For every one who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. Or what man of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:7-11)

Let us pray for the grace to be fully engaged in our relationships with God and neighbor through dialogue and prayer.