Having a Cup of Coffee with My 21-Year-Old Self

When I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes, especially as a young father.  I think this is because I really had no mentor or any fellowship in the Faith.

When I began writing for Catholic Stand last year, my primary goal was to reach out to young men – single men, newlyweds, and new fathers.  I wanted to share my missteps, and maybe offer some thoughts on ways to avoid the mistakes I made.

I thought to myself, if I were able to meet with my 21-year-old self over a cup of coffee, what would l share?  Where would I start?

Begin with the End in Mind

I think I would first offer to my younger self the advice to begin with the end mind.

It may be hard for a 21-year-old to realize, but a harsh reality of life is that we are all going to die.  For many young men with healthy parents, it is easy to incorrectly perceive life going on indefinitely.  However, as one watches family, friends, and childhood cultural icons pass, that perception slowly erodes.

Ultimately, everyone dies.  In death, there are only two options – Heaven or hell.

Once one accepts that death is inevitable, one must approach life deliberately. Heaven is the goal, so one must continually guard against sin and work to apply the principles our Faith.

This leads directly to the next point to consider.  How does one really know the principles of our Faith?

We Need to Study

As Catholics, we are expected to attend Mass each week and on holy days of obligation.  However, we must keep in mind that Mass is prayer, not theological study.

The scriptures are read at Mass but they are not studied.  And although a homily is offered, 10 to 30 minutes each week is not enough to develop a deep understanding of Christianity and Catholicism.  Mass is not going to help one grow theologically.  One must deliberately study the Faith, and this is a lifelong endeavor.

This is not a surprise when one thinks about it.  How much effort needs to be spent in order to become proficient at any sport, craft, or skill?  How much effort is required to become a master?  Moreover, even when one is a master, is there any more to learn?

This same approach needs to be applied to studying the Faith.  A balance of study is needed between Scripture, Catechesis, Tradition, and Apologetics.

This task can be daunting.  Fortunately, one need not start from scratch.  We can turn to many scholars and doctors of the Catholic Church and build on 2,000 years of experience.  Fortunately, we do not have to do it alone.  Our Faith is made up of a community of believers.

Find a Vibrant Parish

In studying our Faith, a vibrant Parish community can be a harbor of support.

As newlyweds, my wife and I lived in a very secular part of the United States.  Even worse, the church my wife and I attended was stagnant.  This was especially difficult for me because I was  a recovering atheist at the time.

Fortunately, a new job and relocation opened our eyes to what was possible. Our new parish was truly full of life.  People actually came to our house to greet us.  Personal invitations were extended to us to attend retreats and join small Christian communities.  When our children were born, parishioners brought us meals nearly every night.  These parishioners taught us how to be parishioners by their example.

Vibrant parishes do exist.  There are parishes that do parade the Eucharist through the streets. There are parishes that hold grand celebrations on feast days as a community.  Many parishes do serve the poor and those in distress.  And there are parishes that hold retreats, organize pilgrimages, and send people on missions.

Do not join a parish just because it is the closest one to you.  Do not go to a church just because your family went there when you were young.  Seek out a vibrant parish.

Seek Fellowship

When someone is young, it is easy to feel like one can take on the world alone.  However, a lone individual is an easy target.  There is safety in numbers.  We all need someone who can watch our back.  Engaging in fellowship fills this need.

Fellowship, simply put, is a support group of like-minded people who share the same goal and values.  Such a group can help protect us from the temptations of world and sometimes they can even protect us from ourselves.

If one is fortunate, an invitation will be extended to join a fellowship.  However, one should not wait.  Seek out fellowship in the Faith both with peers as well as with those with more experience. The former group is working through many of the same challenges with the same points of reference.  The latter group, although not having the same points of refence, has already experienced the challenges. Together, both groups can hold one accountable and calibrate ones thinking.  Combined fellowship with these groups helps keep one grounded in the Faith.

A Strong Foundation

The Most Reverend Venerable Fulton J. Sheen stated in several of his talks that before one can successfully go out into the world, one must first come to Christ.  Lifelong study, a vibrant parish, and fellowship offer a strong foundation to help one build a Faith filled life.  However, it is just a foundation.  It must be built upon.

There is much more I would like to discuss with my 21-year-old self.   Growing in the Faith, embracing one’s vocation, recognizing sin, serving others, and being an example of the Faith are just a few of the topics I would like to talk about with him.  However, these topics will have to wait until our next cup of coffee.