Even Good Plans May Not Be God’s Will

The title of this post, “Even Good Plans May Not Be God’s Will”, presents a fact that has been hard for me to accept. As I discerned God’s will for my life, I planned on certain details as if they were guaranteed. With my vocation to write, I assumed God would give me the tools and space to share the messages on my heart. With my vocation to be a wife and mother, I figured being a homemaker was my primary purpose, and that God would bless my husband’s and my desire to have kids close together in age.

Over the past couple of years, I have learned that good and even holy plans are not always God’s will. Sometimes holy intentions do not line up with the paths God is laying for us, and we have to humbly pivot to remain on His path. As Catholic Stand’s Editor-in-Chief, Melanie Jean Juneau, put it in her most recent post, “When we quit trying to save ourselves and give God permission to save us, then, we have finally understood the Good News of Jesus Christ and will allow God to stand in the centre of our universe.” Letting God be the center of our universe means letting go of our own desires, even the good, and holy ones.

Discernment Goes Beyond the Big Picture

Discernment is a process that is different for everyone. Once you figure out the general direction of your calling, whether to marriage, religious life, or consecrated laity, unintended assumptions follow. In marriage, you may assume things about how your role in the marriage will look. In religious life, you may think you belong in an order with a certain lifestyle. Even as a consecrated layperson, you will go into your vocation with an assumed order for your life.

It is possible to have the big picture right while confusing the details. For example, it had never occurred to me that I might not have children close together. Having a sibling close in age was a positive experience for me, so I assumed I would give my children the same gift. Because it was a good desire within the context of my vocation, I didn’t think to ask God if it was His will. I just assumed it was. However, my only child will turn three soon, and, because of the paths and crosses in my life, my husband and I are still not sure when we will be able to try for another.

When God’s Will Isn’t What We Think

When the details of following our vocations do not look the way we expect, we can assume it’s because we are doing something wrong. This can lead to anxiety and guilt, which separate us from God. Feeling like we are letting God down by not lining up the details the way we wanted to can make us afraid of Him. Instead of being open to hearing His plans for us, we stay busy apologizing for not fulfilling the plans we assigned ourselves.

When you are praying through your life and trying to make the best decisions, yet keep falling short of what you think you should be doing, it is an invitation to examine your plans. Are all the details of your plans from God, or are some the things you carried into your life once He showed you the big picture?

St. Therese of Lisieux experienced this dilemma when she was unable to become a missionary. It was the greatest desire of her heart to save souls for God by preaching His name to the ends of the earth. And yet, she was confined to a cloister and too ill for strenuous activity toward the end of her short life. She was right, she was called to the religious life and to save many souls for God. But, it was through her “Little Way” and her quiet sacrifices that she would do this, not by traveling the world.

Not Every Good Desire Is God’s Will

As contradictory as it sounds, not every good desire is God’s will. A father may desire to devote his free time to charity work, but his small children at home need his free time first. A nun may want to live her life in hidden prayer, but God may need her to be more active in her community. A mother may want to join the third order of a religious community, but she may need to wait until the needs of her children lessen.

These are all good desires, but they may not align with God’s will for each individual. That does not make them bad desires. It also does not indicate a failure in the individual. If each person did not take time to ask God if his or her good desire was God’s will, each of them could easily interpret his or her inability to live out the good desire as a failure.

This worry would only distract the individuals from pursuing God with open hearts. Instead, it would be better for each of them to offer his or her desires to God and wait to hear His direction.

Letting Go Lets God Lead

Each of these examples demonstrates the way our own perception of our lives can become a barrier, preventing us from thriving by living in the warmth of God’s love. I myself spent many hours worrying and questioning myself, trying to figure out why my daughter had to be without close siblings because I just assumed that was God’s will. When I realized that I never asked God how He wanted my children spaced, or even how many children He wanted me to have, I could not believe my foolishness. And once I accepted that, I was able to approach Him with a humble and needy heart, hurting from the shame I brought upon myself.

Through accepting His will in the details of my life, I found great peace. If you pursue God’s will with an honest heart, God will help you achieve it. He knows how limited our minds can be and how much the world’s demands can distract us. He knows our intentions and can tell when they are good, even if confused.

When you keep hitting obstacles in pursuit of what you believe to be the right way to live your vocation, take a minute to lift up even the smallest details to God. Ask Him about every facet of the situation. Whether it’s trying for or avoiding pregnancy, house-hunting, career changes, charity work, spiritual disciplines, parenting decisions, different colleges, or religious orders, no decision is too small to offer up to Him.

A Prayer When God’s Will is Confusing

When you still are not sure what He wants, or why you cannot seem to achieve what you think He desires, this prayer formula may help:

1. Start with the Sign of the Cross, then take a deep breath and sit quietly for a moment. Try to place yourself in His presence by recalling that He is present all around you (St. Francis de Sales).
2. Pour out your confusion to God. Tell Him what you think He wants, why you think that, and what your intentions are in pursuing it.
3. Tell Him you are not sure why you are unable to achieve what He wants.
4. Admit you are not sure if it is due to your own inability, or because you are not able to see that He wants something different than what you think.
5. Remind Him that your human brain is limited while His is infinite, and humbly remind Him that you need Him to help you see.
6. Ask that He remove the scales from your eyes, as Jesus did with the blind man in the Gospels.
7. Tell Him that, more than anything, you want to do His will, even if it isn’t what you think.
8. Ask for the grace to let go of what you thought His plans were and for the wisdom to see what His will is.
9. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you, and ask Mary’s help in removing any obstacles either within you or outside of you that are keeping you from living out God’s will.
10. End by leaving the matter in God’s hands and saying “Not my will, but Thy will be done.”
11. Take one more deep breath, and sit with God as long as you like.
12. End with the Sign of the Cross.

I warn you, this prayer can be very effective. It can result in your whole life being turned upside down and carried in a direction you never expected. But, even in the sacrifices and suffering it may cause, it will help your life become so much more than you anticipated. You will be living as He intends, not as you thought you should, and in that you will find peace.

May God bless your spiritual pursuit!