Deer in the Headlights of the Mass

I was like a deer caught in the headlights eighteen years ago while attending my first Mass as a questioning adult. In the past I had gone to Mass as a child with the neighbor and her nine children. I had even gone to a Midnight Mass as an adult with Catholic co-workers after getting off an evening shift.

Yearning For the Truth

I didn’t understand it then but then again, I wasn’t questioning any of it at that point in my life. Years later, after wandering the desert for so long, my heart yearned for what was true, whatever that might mean. I’ve written a bit before about by conversion and don’t mean to repeat myself. As of late though I’ve had wonderful conversations with a dear Protestant friend and so once again I reminisce of those first days which seemed so like a foreign land but which I now call home.

As I sat in the pews of St. John the Baptist Church eighteen years ago, I sat as far back as I could, not wanting to be seen. Not looking for or into Catholicism at that particular time but going to a Mass to support family members who were doing just that. A friend of theirs sat next to me and kindly offered to lead the way with her missal. I sat as a deer in the headlights, barely able to see through my tears of confusion, shaking my head in the negative response to her charity. Just what kind of a church service was this? Why the ‘canned’ prayers? This confusion however led me to many questions, and questions are good to anyone seeking Truth.

Mass Is Not Just Any Other Church Service

Through many long conversations with family and strangers I learned the Mass is not just any church service. This is a huge misconception among our Protestant brothers and sisters. Curiosity or intentional seeking may encourage them to enter into a Mass, thinking only to compare in their own minds to the Sunday services they are familiar with. This however is comparing apples to oranges.

The Mass is not a church service. The Mass is the highest prayer of the Church. Reading Scott Hahn’s, “The Lamb’s Supper: The Mass as Heaven on Earth” was a great help in understanding this truth. It was especially helpful as it began with his own experience as a Protestant theologian going to his own first Mass with his scriptures in hand. His eyes were beautifully opened as he scripturally read his way as Heaven and Earth met.

During the second Mass, I attended at this time of questioning, there was still quite a bit of confusion in my heart, however an experience in the near presence of the Eucharist made me know there was something incredibly important here, and I must pay attention. In the ear of my heart, I knew this was a loving command; a call from the Holy Spirit. It was sometime later as I delved into scripture, particularly the Bread of Life discourse in John chapter 6 when I realized it wasn’t something incredibly important but someone. That Someone, Jesus Christ was truly present; calling me from a personal relationship to an intimate one. God asked of me a leap of faith, and I’ve never regretted taking that leap.

There is room outside of the Mass to hear someone speak words of encouragement, sing songs, or be joyful with others but since the Mass is a prayer, these other goods would be a disruption in the intimate conversation of the Bride with the Spouse. This dialogue encourages a great silence, meditation, and as we quiet ourselves, the Holy Spirit speaks in groans no human could understand (Romans 8:26).

Are You Searching?

Are we seeking Truth? Are we looking for something the world does not offer; something counter-cultural? There are some in the Church who seek to conform to the world. Look no further than to what is happening in Germany. To seek this Truth we should look to what may make us uncomfortable and yet provides peace and adherence to what God has established.

If you or someone you know is interested in visiting a Catholic church I would encourage you to not stop at one but visit many. There are some who have thought they need to conform; to be more like other denominations in the neighborhood, thinking this would bring in falling numbers of parishioners. There are also some wolves among the sheep. Don’t fall into this pit.

Look for a church which brings quiet to the soul. Allow yourself to be a deer in the headlights for here is something (someone) who should make us stop in our tracks. It may feel like a foreign land, but then again, it just might be the safe haven of Home.