Advice for My Daughter On Her Seventeenth Birthday

Always be kind and polite. Remember that manners matter. Being kind will never diminish you but will only allow your spirit to grow. While others may be brash or mean, insulting or quick of tongue, responding with polite kindness will bring you peace. “A mild answer turns back wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). What other people think of you does not define you. Your behavior will always define you more than your words but try always to use soft words. The world will not judge you by your intentions but by your actions. People may not always remember what you say to them but will always remember how you made them feel.

Do not let love and fidelity forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win favor and esteem before God and human beings (Proverbs 3:3-4).

You need never defend yourself. If you ask God to defend you and protect you, He will, if you allow him to. “The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom should I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom should I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1). Bring your cares to Him each day and ask for the intuition to make the right choices, and if you listen to your innermost voice, the still quiet voice (1 Kings 19:12), that which is truly of God, you will always be guided along the right path.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence do not rely; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Remember that Mary is truly your mother in heaven and that you always have access to her. God has blessed me with the responsibility of raising you, but you are His, a child of God. However, remember that as you have a special place in your heart for me, so too Jesus has for his mother, and he will listen to her. Remember the wedding at Cana? “And Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, how does your concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.’ His mother said to the servers, ‘Do whatever he tells you’” (John 2:4-5). Jesus did as his mother requested and she knew that he would. Trust in her and remember the prayers of the Rosary are Scripture. “Hail, favored one! The Lord is with you” (Luke 1:28). “Most blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb” (Luke 1:42).

Remember always the healing power of the sacraments, particularly confession and the Eucharist. No matter where you are or what is happening you have access to Divine power through the reception and adoration of the Eucharist. Jesus is the Divine Physician who can heal all wounds come to him in confession and the anointing of the sick if necessary. As you go out into the world, I know that you will encounter heartache, trials, and battles of spirit and emotion. No matter the challenge you can always find shelter from the storm at the Alter. “For God will hide me in his shelter in time of trouble, He will conceal me in the cover of his tent; and set me high upon a rock” (Psalm 27:5). I hope you will remember that sometimes even a few minutes before the Eucharist in the calm and quiet shelter of any church will soothe the deepest ache. “When I pondered to understand this, it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God; Then I perceived their end” (Psalm 73:16-17).

Remember also, that tears are the purest form of prayer. I wish I could tell you that your life will be filled with unending joy, but I know that this is not true. I am powerless against the tides of life that will drag you and sometimes smash you upon the rocks of experience. I cannot shelter you from the challenges ahead. But I hope I have instilled in you the deepest seeds of faith. You may not wish to continue to pray or go to church but I hope that if you should stray you will always remember the Divine Light that shines forth from our faith. The calming balm of the Alter. The beauty of any church with its steady calming peace.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28-30).

Cast all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” (Peter 5:7). “Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you (Psalms 55:22).

If you lose your way, remember the guiding light that burns in the Sanctuary. The light that points you to the Truth, which glows red near the tabernacle signaling that the Real Presence is there. God is available anywhere and anytime, but if you are lost, follow the light of the Sanctuary and you will be sure to find the right path. Remember that you have a God who will bring you to exactly where you are meant to be if you listen to the truth in your heart. Who you are meant to be is already written on your heart. It may seem that some job or career is calling to you. Do not be lured by the promise of a good salary. Money is not evil, however, “

love of money is the root of all evils, and some people in their desire for it have strayed from the faith and have pierced themselves with many pains (1 Timothy 6:10).

God will reveal to you who you are and his plans for you. Trust in this.

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you… plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart I will let you find me… (Jeremiah 29:11-14).

Always be honest. Life is much easier when you tell the truth. When you tell the truth there is nothing to hide. “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free” (John 8:32). There are always consequences for every action you may take but if you tell the truth you will always have your dignity.

With vigilance guard your heart, for in it are the sources of life. Dishonest mouth put away from you, deceitful lips put far from you. Let your eyes look straight ahead and your gaze be focused forward. Survey the path of your feet and your ways will be sure. Turn neither to right nor to left, keep your foot far from evil (Proverbs 4:23-27).

Seek wisdom above all else. There is a great difference between knowledge and wisdom.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding (Proverbs 4:7).

Wisdom comes from the Lord.

Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom (James 3:13).

Be humble. “Conduct your affairs with humility, and you will be loved more than a giver of gifts” (Sirach 3:17). Humility is knowing who and what you are before God. If you are good at something, do not hide it. To deny your gifts is false humility, it is not from God. Be exactly what God intended you to be and you will be truly happy. “What is too sublime for you, do not seek; do not reach into things that are hidden from you” (Sirach 3:18).

Keep the commandments and you will live in joy. Remember, whatever you spend most of your time thinking about is your God. That is the warning of the first commandment, “you shall have no other gods before me” (Exodus 20:3). Try and keep God in the forefront of your mind. This is the first and most precious commandment: “Hear, O Israel: The Lord is our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7). “The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39).

Remember that all things pass away, but God is forever. “Let nothing disturb you, let nothing frighten you, though all things pass, God does not change. Patience wins all things. But he lacks nothing who possesses God; For God alone suffices” (St. Theresa of Avila). Remember:

There is an appointed time for everything, and a time for every affair under the heavens. A time to give birth, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant. A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to tear down, and a time to build. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them; a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces. A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away. A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to be silent, and a time to speak. A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace (Ecclesiastes 3:1-9).

Avoid anger. It serves no purpose. “Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Ultimately, you are the one who is harmed by your anger. “Refrain from anger; abandon wrath; do not be provoked; it brings only harm” (Psalm 37:8). “A fool always loses his temper, but a wise man holds it back” (Proverbs 29:11). “He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty” (Proverbs 16:32). And do not worry. Why worry when God is taking care of everything? “And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?” (Matthew 6:27).

When you are weak seek a friend. I know that many think Mary made haste to help Elizabeth (Luke 1:39-56), but I think she found comfort in a woman who was experiencing the same miraculous and terrifying reality. Therefore, seek council and comfort from those who have gone through the same difficulty as you. “The way of fools is right in their own eyes, but those who listen to advice are wise” (Proverbs 12:15). But remember ultimately, truth comes from the Lord:

Blessed the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the way of sinners, nor sit in the company of scoffers. Rather the law of the lord is his joy; and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted near streams of water, that yields its fruit in season; Its leaves never wither; whatever he does prospers (Psalm 1:1-3).

Always trust in God and you will know peace.

Lord, my heart is not proud; nor are my eyes haughty. I do not busy myself with great matters, with things to sublime for me. Rather, I have stilled my soul, like a weaned child to its mother, weaned is my soul (Psalm 131).

And lastly, remember: “What is impossible for human beings is possible for God” (Luke 1:27).