People hurt one another emotionally every day. And all too often when we should forgive, bitterness festers.
A close family member betrays another. A wife or husband walks out and files for divorce. A trusted friend stabs you in the back. Hurtful words are said to us in a fit of anger.
At some point in our lives, there is a good chance we will experience some kind of painful emotional situation. While we are called to be Christians, we are also humans with sensitive emotions. It is not always easy to restrain our anger and bitterness when we are hurt, but as children of God that is what we are called to do.
Jesus commanded us to forgive in Matthew 18:21-22.
21 Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
22 Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”
Of course this is easier said than done. Our pain can cause us to change for the worst. We are weak in our flesh, and feeling bitter is easier than letting go. But it is never better to fight sin with sin! Two wrongs never make a right.
Some people lash out at others when they are in deep pain. It can be a defense mechanism that keeps them from having to reveal weakness. But there are also those whose pain may manifest itself in other ways, like projecting their problems onto others, self-harm, and all around bad decision-making. They may seem angry all the time.
Seek Jesus
It is important to remember that we all need reassurance that God loves us unconditionally. It can be quite difficult to say to someone who just disrespected you, “Hey, man, I forgive you. Maybe you should go to church this Sunday?” A more subtle approach may be “I used to feel the same way until I listened to that nagging, gut-wrenching feeling I have had for years, calling me to Jesus!” Do you have the courage to forgive and then help someone who is lashing out? It can be daunting and maybe even a little dangerous sometimes. Have faith and let God lead you.
I will say here that if you are being abused, please seek professional help! Otherwise, forgiving those who have hurt us seventy times seven is not only good for them, it is good for us. It is true that holding grudges is horrible for your health. Thinking about the bad things that have happened to you can raise your blood pressure and cortisol (the stress hormone). It is also detrimental to your spiritual life. How can we be Christians and not answer the call to forgive? It is not always easy, but it always helps the situation. Prayer, fasting, and trusting in God are foundations for forgiveness.
Forgive and seek Forgiveness
None of us are perfect. We all need forgiveness. Perhaps you believe your sin to be small in comparison to those hurts that have been inflicted on you. Although this may be true to some extent, sin creeps into all of our lives. Whether you are a criminal serving time in prison for murder or just a housewife who in a moment of weakness uttered Our Lord’s name in vain, you have sinned. Even our dear Pope must confess his sins. As children of God, we are all equal in His eyes. If we are to live as Christ did, we must believe this too.
It can take years to forgive someone. Pain clouds reason and steals time. But if we recognize it and internalize why it is occurring, then we can openly express the need for forgiveness.
9 thoughts on “As Christians we are commanded to forgive”
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The most defining characteristic of Christianity IS……..Forgiveness
The defining characteristic if Christianity is Matthew 25 …. the parable of the sheep and goats. Would you forgive or would God forgive a person who repeatedly raped your 3 year old daughter? I doubt it…..
Matt 18:6 “If anyone causes one of these little ones–those who believe in me–to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea.”
Does this sound like Jesus’ command to forgive all?
No, it sounds like an entirely different topic: Avoid sin at all personal cost.
Wrong, Jesus did not open the door of forgiveness by God or victim to those who abuse children, especially sexually. Defiling the innocents allows no forgiveness….he could not have been clearer.
What translation are you reading? The New Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition renders Mt 18:6-9 as:
“If any of you put a stumbling block before one of these little ones who believe in me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea. Woe to the world because of stumbling blocks! Occasions for stumbling are bound to come, but woe to the one by whom the stumbling block comes!
If your hand or your foot causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life maimed or lame than to have two hands or two feet and to be thrown into the eternal fire. And if your eye causes you to stumble, tear it out and throw it away; it is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and to be thrown into the hell of fire.”
Even if true, the theme is not ‘There is no forgiveness for those who abuse children, especially sexually’. The theme is ‘Avoid sin at all personal cost, especially the sin of scandal’. The topic of forgiveness is not broached in the biblical passage you cited.
While the word forgiveness is not specifically mentioned, do you, in all honestly, believe that God or man would forgive a clergyman who serially abused children? No, it’s the “millstone around the neck” option? Get real, man….
I am working on two questions which hold priority over the one you pose. Have I acted, at least venially, with the same motives that prompted notorious sins? Can I ask for mercy, without asking for mercy for everyone else?