Decades ago, I was surprised to discover that motherhood—especially mothering a large family—could be deeply challenging, meaningful, and fulfilling. The environment I came from did not look favourably upon large families. When my intellectual grandfather learned I had married a Catholic, he was aghast. “My God, how did she get into that mess? Well, at least tell her not to have a lot of children”.
I certainly did not plan on having a large family. As a nineteen-year-old convert, I was convinced I was called to become a nun with an important mission to fulfill. I was a serious university student involved in pastoral ministry. I did not date and never imagined marriage or motherhood. Then, four years later, God introduced me to my future husband and overturned all my plans.
Mothering Today
In our secular culture, Catholic women often struggle to remain faithful to the teachings of the Church while living in modern society. One of the greatest tensions is that a pro-life worldview can appear to conflict with contemporary feminism. Many feminists argue that fulfillment and accomplishment are found primarily through career success, free from the demands of pregnancy and childcare.
Yet raising children is not a default task for women who failed to achieve success in business, power, or wealth. Over the past few decades, society has increasingly delegated childcare to nannies and babysitters—women whose work is often undervalued and treated as second-class labor. Meanwhile, society frequently dismisses or even mocks women’s most sacred and natural role: nurturing their children.
Most mothers today have little choice but to work in the current economy. My concern is not with working mothers, but with prevailing attitudes toward children, motherhood, and childcare. From an early age, we are trained to compete, outperform our peers, enter prestigious universities, and secure coveted careers. Yet success alone does not guarantee happiness. Many older women now admit they regret not having spent more time nurturing their children and lament sacrificing family life on the altar of achievement.
Of course, some faithful Catholic women are not called to motherhood. They may be called to full-time careers or to consecrated religious life, and they should wholeheartedly pursue those vocations. But society should not belittle women who simply desire to be mothers. Unfortunately, traditional reflections on motherhood can sometimes romanticize mothers while leaving young women reading them feeling powerless or insignificant.
“YOU Had Nine Children?”
After the birth of our fourth child, my husband and I struggled to discern how we were meant to live our lives. We practiced natural family planning, but I was one of those rare women who could conceive long before ovulation. Because we were pro-life, abortion was never an option. After another unexpected pregnancy, my doctor remarked, “I remember reading about a woman in New Zealand who conceived five days before ovulation.” I raised my hand and cheerfully replied, “Well, you can add me to that list!”
One day, terrified that I might be pregnant with our fifth child, I sensed these words interiorly:
This is your call.
This is your vocation.
T his is your witness to the world.
I was stunned by these ideas. Feeling misunderstood and even scorned as a mother of a lot of children, I protested inwardly, “What kind of witness is that?” The answer came gently:
“Trust Me. I am with you.”
In that moment, guilt lifted and was replaced by a profound sense of purpose. I gradually discovered that motherhood was not an obstacle to my growth, but the very path to my inner freedom and fulfillment.
People are often surprised that I am neither haggard nor bitter, filled with regret over unfulfilled dreams. When they first meet me, their eyebrows shoot upward and they sputter, “YOU had nine children?”
Part of their surprise comes from the fact that I am only 5’1″ and weigh 108 pounds, despite spending eighteen uninterrupted years either pregnant or nursing. I am healthy, articulate, and blessed with a quirky sense of humor. This challenges the stereotype of the exhausted mother of a large family grimly marching children through life with no time for tenderness.
Surprisingly to some, my children turned out well-rounded and successful, while I—who grew up with only one sister—discovered dignity, joy, and freedom through motherhood.
Society’s Reaction to Large Families
A few years ago, a journalist interviewed me for a Mother’s Day article and asked whether I regretted not using my university degree to pursue a career. I simply stared at her in silence for a moment, genuinely confused. “No,” I finally answered. “The thought never entered my mind.” Then it was her turn to stare at me in disbelief.
The published article merely offered a humorous glimpse into my hectic family life, yet nearly half of the ninety comments had to be deleted because they were profane or hostile attacks. Clearly, a pro-life, feminist perspective touches a raw nerve in modern society, revealing the deep divide between pro-choice and pro-life worldviews. Ironically, both sides claim to be fighting for the dignity and equality of women.
God’s Love Stands Strong
Although I still sometimes cringe under society’s disapproval, I now understand that my children helped save me by forcing me to go deeper into my soul and discover the strength of God’s eternal love.
I can honestly say that my husband and I are joyful because we answered a particular call to raise a large family. Again and again, small experiences reinforced the truth that God had personally called each of our children into existence with our cooperation. At times I stumbled blindly, but moments of clarity would suddenly illuminate the purpose behind my vocation as a mother.
Motherhood is a choice women should be free to embrace without feeling marginalized or ridiculed. Society creates a false narrative when it diminishes a woman’s most sacred and natural role. Motherhood can itself be a feminist and pro-life vocation—a powerful witness to the world.
In response to this cultural tension, I co-authored an anthology with four other Catholic women titled Love Rebel: Reclaiming Motherhood, which explores both the pain and the joy of reclaiming the dignity of motherhood in today’s society.
