Catholic Kids in Public Schools – Tips for Parents

My siblings and I were blessed to attend Catholic schools for most of our education. At one point, though, my father found it necessary to transfer us to public school. As a high school junior, I expected a big change. There would be no recited prayers, no religion class, no school Mass. My father enrolled my younger siblings in CCD, and I joined the parish Youth Group.

Conflicts in Public School

I recall some conflicts with my public school. In health class, when the teacher took a poll, only one other student and I were pro-life. I had to look for meatless meals in the cafeteria on Fridays during Lent. On the Feast of Immaculate Conception, my father sent a note that I was to leave school to attend Mass at the church across the highway from the school. The principal said, “I can let you leave school, but I can’t let you walk across the highway.” A guidance counselor happened to be in the room, and she offered to drive me to church.

The conflicts which Catholic students may encounter in today’s public schools are not so easily resolved as those of my generation. Twentieth-century public schools strove for neutrality regarding religion, citing the separation of church and state. My health teacher benignly noted students’ differences of opinion on abortion, offering no judgment of who was right. Twenty-first-century schools are less likely to remain neutral on points relating to our Catholic faith. Public school teachers cannot attribute equal value to varying opinions on the definition of marriage or the number of genders that exist. On these matters, society and the Church have reached an impasse, and public education takes the side of secular society.

Other issues naturally surface in public schools. Fewer classmates and teachers attend religious services. Sexual activity outside of marriage is acceptable. Students’ older siblings are likely to live with boyfriends or girlfriends without considering marriage. Teen relationships have become complicated to a concerning degree. It is no longer a surprise for a same-sex couple to attend prom. The shock to parents now is the throuple, a consensual romantic relationship between three people. And gender dysphoria confuses children from 12^th grade to Kindergarten.

Parents Can Help

These circumstances create formidable conflicts for children whose catechism presents the purposes of sex and marriage as the nurturing of holy, mutual love between a man and a woman and the procreation of children within a monogamous, lifelong, sacramental union. Catholic parents can help their public school children deal with these conflicts.

From a Christian perspective, recent social changes in public schools are not all bad. The virtues of empathy and compassion are valued in school activities. School officials have no tolerance for bullying. Parents can build on this positive aspect. They can warn children not to become judgmental regarding morality, but rather always to be kind, so that they never give credence to accusations of hate.

At the same time, parents need to strengthen their children’s understanding of Catholic morality regarding holy purity and gender identity. Purity has been under attack since the sexual revolution of the 1960s. Gender confusion is a new challenge.

Many public schools respond to gender dysphoria by affirming the child’s desire to transition. Schools may not have a policy to inform parents if a child asks to use a different name or pronoun at school. As a public high school teacher, I was encouraged not to “out” a child to parents. During this summer of 2023, the New Jersey attorney general filed civil rights complaints against three school districts for having parental notification policies for LGBTQ+ students. Furthermore, the NJ State Board of Education has just edited its Equity Code to replace words like “girl” and “boy” with gender-neutral terms. In this environment, Catholic parents need to keep open communication with their children regarding God’s purposes for creating humans as male and female.

How can Catholic parents be proactive in protecting the faith of their children in public school? Here are some tips:

1. Prepare Yourself – Pray

To prepare children for the challenges of public school, first prepare yourself. That preparation is already begun via the sacrament of matrimony. One of the graces of marriage is the grace to be good parents.

Pray for grace to counsel your children. Pray for teachers, who have such critical influence, and pray for your child’s friends. Pray to your children’s guardian angels, patron saints, Holy Mary and Saint Joseph.

Parental preparation for a new school year could include spiritual reading. In Scripture, the books of Sirach and Wisdom relate to education. For Catholic teaching on sexuality, Christopher West has written works that clearly explain John Paul II’s Theology of the Body. Pope Francis’ Amoris Laetitia includes perceptive reflections on gender identity.

2. Listen

Listen to your children’s stories of their day. Ask: How are students treating each other? Does anyone seem troubled or unhappy? What do you look forward to each day? What problem areas are there?

If the family’s schedule can be worked so they eat dinner together daily, that is an ideal time to listen. If evening activities have you driving children, that can be good for listening, too.

Whatever you hear while listening, take it to prayer.

3. Be Involved in the School

Participate in the back-to-school night and PTA. Attend school concerts, coffee with the principal, sports events, and the school play. Volunteer to be a class parent. The more familiar you are with your child’s school, the better you can communicate with your child, and with the school when needed.

At least once each new school year, ask your child’s teacher questions about school policy and parental rights. Does the school notify parents if students ask for a name or pronoun change at school? In some schools, programs are designed to ask students if they are dissatisfied with their gender. Parents have a right to know whether this kind of questioning is part of the school’s curriculum.

4. Be Involved in Your Parish

Catholic parents of public school children depend on the parish religious education program. While parents are the first teachers of children in the faith, the experience of sharing this belief with other children and a catechist is especially valuable for the public school child. Similarly, older children benefit from parish youth programs.

Parental involvement does not need to be directly in the child’s religious ed classroom or youth group activity. Seeing a parent helping with a food drive, singing in the choir, or ushering at Mass is a powerful testament to a child that Church is relevant and meaningful.

Involve your family in parish events – vacation Bible school, church picnic, pancake breakfasts. School should not be the only place where your child has fun.

5. Act; Don’t Overreact

There may come a time when it is necessary to take up an issue with the school. You may need to protest a false statement about the faith, or a policy that ignores parental rights. The way in which you take action can have a profound effect on your child and your community. Remember that you are a Christian. Your actions are an example of Christianity. What will a person’s opinion of Christians be after their encounter with you?

Parents in my district once objected to some school library books. The novels presented sexual content that devout Catholics would deem a threat to children’s purity. Rather than following school procedures and speaking directly to school staff, the parents disparaged the character of the librarian at a school board meeting. Their complaints included disrespectful language toward LGBT individuals and thus drew accusations of hate and phobia at the next board meeting.

A more humble and Christian response would be to follow school policy and converse directly with the librarian in a respectful manner. This may even have succeeded. The parents’ overreaction hid the real message they wished to convey, that the sexually explicit books pose a threat to children’s wellbeing.

If action at school fails, some other action is needed, perhaps serious discussions with your children. In the case cited above, parents could impress upon their children the importance of avoiding temptations against purity. For teens to learn to avoid books that endanger their spiritual well-being is a good lesson.

Our Savior’s Protection

In a Catholic child’s journey through public school, a family must rely on our Savior’s protection. May the guardian angels watch over all students beginning the new school year