I am sitting here on my couch looking around the room. Candles give off a soft glow, and the fireplace looks warm and inviting. My favorite Christian band is playing on my stereo, and my heart is full of love and praise for God.
How can this be? I have had more pain and sorrow within a year’s time than I could ever have imagined possible, and pray no one should ever have to experience.
It all started with a very sudden, very heartbreaking situation that threw me first into complete shock, and then into great, great sorrow for a long time. Along the way there have been many other heartbreaking moments, stressors, and losses as well.
Sometimes I feel like Job. I am just now coming out of it, I hope. Currently, I am at peace with things, but it is still not what I want nor what I ever could have imagined happening, even in my wildest nightmares.
As I sit here, my thoughts go over my life path since last year May. I see that my faith journey is about all the disappointments and death I faced, while keeping hope and faith alive that God knows what He is doing.
Wow, what a struggle this has been! It is so simple a concept, but so very hard to live by. God has taught me a lot about my relationship with Him. He showed me that, as much as I truly love Him, I have not given over my trust to Him. Oh sure, I understand the Divine Mercy devotions, and “Jesus, I trust in You” and all that; but apparently I don’t — or should I say, I didn’t.
One thing that God has taught me through all of this (and in a big way!) is to trust in Him. Oh, that was a hard lesson to learn!
He has dragged me kicking and screaming down a path where I did not want to go. He has deepened my faith and hope in Him through fasting and prayer, especially this past Lent. He comforted me along the way by sending me angels, in the form of beautiful friends and family. He sent me His Word when I could literally barely breathe, as the emotional pain seared through my very being. But most of all, He showed me how much He loves me and really cares about the things that matter to me, down to the detail.
I have always had a deep love and faith in God, at certain times of my life more so than at others. I notice that pain and suffering seem to bring out a deeper dependence on Him that wasn’t there before. Maybe I am that kid of His that needs a good thwack before I listen, eh?
Also, I have learned not to look at the negative things I see around me. But should they be shoved in my face anyway, I am to instantly look up, reach out, and grasp hold of the hand of my mighty God, who saves me from all my troubles and despair. So one thing I have learned through this journey of tried and tested faith is that I am to trust God, to let go of my life and the crazy path I think it is on, and let God straighten it all out for me.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6 NIV)
And what is true and enduring faith in a person unless it is tried and tested? May we always choose to accept and cooperate with the will of God when He tries and tests our faith, no matter what happens. Forever I am changed, yet changed for the better.
We know that all things work for good for those who love God, who are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28 NABRE)
Dearest Lord, help me to always cling to You and to Your wisdom. Take hold of me should I start to turn off the path You have set before me. Though my life has not turned out the way I have always dreamed and the way I have always desired, I know You are in complete control of it, and will work everything out for my good. Thank you so much, my dearest Sweetheart, for everything You have allowed into my life. I love You profoundly!
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him …. (Psalm 37:7 NIV)
5 thoughts on “Faith, Tried and Tested”
Lisa hang in there! You’re right circumstances can be so overwhelming at times, and trusting in Him is essential. God can and does work in us during these times. Our relationship with Him can grow deeper and stronger, as a result of Him taking us through things. Wonderful article!
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For many years, I held a similar worldview regarding a god who controlled everything that happened to me. I thought of this god as teaching me a lesson when I did something that led to undesired consequences instead of just seeing it as a simple matter of cause and effect or just a random occurrence over which neither I nor anyone else had any control.
I now believe that there are no gods, angels, demons, etc. and that there is no purpose to life other than the purpose we assign to it. One of my purposes that I have assigned to my life is to overcome the temptation to give in to a kind of existential despair and to instead find reasons to feel fortunate for my existence and be thankful toward those who have made it possible (all of whom are real people, alive or deceased, and not gods or angels or saints, etc.).
So, here’s my question, Bill S (and by the way, I know EXACTLY what Lisa is talking about, having experienced similar circumstances.), given your state of obvious unbelief, why are you on this site? What is your stated purpose? What do you want? Since most of us on this site are in fact believers, even those of us who occasionally agree to disagree (I’m a non-Catholic Christian), again, why are YOU here? I have been a born – again, blood-bought child of God for 38 years, have read/heard literally every atheististic argument made against Almighty God, and at this point I simply yawn with boredom. So..?
I think it is ok to state a totally opposing point of view as long as it is stated respectfully and not with the purpose of insulting the person with the opposing view. I do this with the purpose of shaping and sharpening my worldview.
I also argue with atheists because I do believe in an intelligence behind all that is. The laws of nature and physical constants that have resulted in us being here are the product of an intelligence and some people call that intelligence “God”. Religions attempt to define that God and that is why they interest me.