Why the title? Because “albino assassin monks” is entirely too long of a title for our file formats here at Catholic Stand. However, Silas of The da Vinci Code is a good example of the kind of thing I’m talking about; you may also be familiar with “The Albino” from The Princess Bride. On to the post!
It seems like every time a monk shows up in a show, they’re either going to be evil or they’re soon to be dead. If it’s a historical setting, they’re probably sinister, torturing, and crazy, possibly part of the inquisition. If they are the main character, they may be okay, but you can bet that an Evil Monk will show up soon enough.
These characters have all the elements of an evil Catholic Priest in bad popular culture, and without the positive associations with non-Catholic preachers — plus they have justification for outfits that look really odd to modern eyes. All of which are perfectly good dramatic points, but it does get tiring, and frankly, I prefer Anime’s habit of treating Catholic monks exactly like Shinto or Buddhist ones to the horrible mangling that American stories tend to inflict. At least then you don’t have the false impression that you’re being informed!
What Are They?
If you are like me, you may have a vague notion that monks are in monasteries and go by “brother,” while friars kind of wander around and might be some kind of roving priest.
Since a large part of the reason this Catholicism and Conspiracies series even exists is that “vague impressions are often very, very wrong.” Therefore, I went looking for an actually definition. Here’s a short description, per the Catholic Encyclopedia at New Advent.
A monk may be conveniently defined as a member of a community of men, leading a more or less contemplative life apart from the world, under the vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience, according to a rule characteristic of the particular order to which he belongs. The word monk is not itself a term commonly used in the official language of the Church.
That’s simple enough. To summarize the history a bit, our use probably traces back to Saint Benedict’s rules for how Monasteries would be set up. He disapproved of roving monks on the basis that they tended to want to be spiritual without having to be religious, if I may interpret it into modern modes of speaking. It’s (probably) due to the Rule of Saint Benedict (his set-up for organizing religious places that are now known as “monasteries”) that we call them “monks” and their places “monasteries,” even though when he used the word it was for all who were consecrated to God. The wandering monks he wrote so critically of in that time are not the same as what we call friars, whose title comes from an ancient word for “brother,” and are most assuredly disciplined.
Monk or Friar?
So, what is the difference between Friar Tuck and Monk Silas, besides the quality of the story around them? The simplest explanation of the difference between Monastic orders (“monks”) and Mendicant Orders (“friars”) is that the focus of a monk is isolated, contemplative, inside of the monastery, while a friar’s work is focused on public ministry. Friar Tuck is part of the Robin Hood gang in part because in the time he was added to the story, everyone knew that such a person would only be there if the Merry Men were truly justified in challenging Prince John; Brother Cadfael joined the his Benedictine order because he’d gone out fighting the Crusades and found a need in himself to aim for something less…worldly in its support of God’s Work.
Monks teach, Friars preach
That’s not all that they do, and they may not all do it, but those are situations you’ll most likely find them in when it comes to accurate fiction. For some reason, English language shows tend to only have Nuns founding schools, even though a great many monasteries were founded for exactly that reason– teaching the natives what they needed to know to deal with the Catholic (or even just Christian) cultures.
If the Church did have an order of assassin religious that wandered the world doing bloody work for the glory of God, it’s very unlikely that they’d be monks. Monks are in the Monastery. Somehow, “Albino Assassin Friar” just doesn’t have the same sort of ring, you know? And don’t even get started on “Albino Assassin Lay Brother of the Order of Saint Dominic” or something similarly ludicrous.
Conspiracies and Catholicism is a series of posts about things like albino assassin monks, hidden Bible books, pagan Santas and secret councils— popular culture related to Catholicism, sometimes in unexpected ways. If you have a suggestion for a future article, please leave a message in the comments or email me at my pen name using gmail’s free service. Prior posts available here.
47 thoughts on “Conspiracies & Catholicism: Monk-y Business”
“I feel these higher ups overlooked much,…” Basically you’re saying “That in my opinion.”
“I feel..” is of course an opinion; otherwise I would document a definitive source of fact!
It would appear though that you have documented very few sources,
Yes.
And…Hitchens is your idea of an unbiased author?
‘kay.
Just checking.
(Whistles…..)
🙂
Ah! And *you* know the inner workings of it?
How?
Oh, The internet.
‘kay. 🙂
HAHAHAHAHA!
Phill, I’ve got too many current members of OD as friends to take something like that seriously. They’re no more a conspiracy than the Knights of Columbus.
Make me tremble? Sorry. I learned ‘way too long ago that the only things I really should be afraid of on this earth are the IRS and the Teamster’s union. 🙂
Apparently the ending comment about “Albino Assassin Lay Brother of the Order of Saint Dominic” was too subtle, which is an unusual problem.
Some of your comments may be deleted– I am tired of Phil D repeatedly deciding to use my comment sections as soap boxes on, at best, vaguely related topics that he did a quick google-search for contrary information on.
Ok….sorry if I crossed any lines. If I did, it was completely unintentional.
Regardless, if you need to chop my comments, chop away. I find that Phil and Bill are a pair of folks who make points rather illogically. In doing so, they make the Church look good by comparison. 🙂
Pax,
JDM
It’s all good, I’ve been upset by people sharing false information before– Phil does this a lot, and the main reason some of yours might disappear is because of how the comment software works. I’m not even sure if we’ll be able to get rid of it.
I was kind of expecting some of The Da Vinci Code BS to show up, but I didn’t have any internet when this article went live so wasn’t able to interrupt things earlier.
Somehow, “Albino Assassin Friar” just doesn’t have the same sort of ring, you know?
It does if it’s anime…
At least then you don’t have the false impression that you’re being informed!
Part of the problem is that over-eager effort to “inform” people. It titillates the ego to think that whatever twisted conspiracy theory we can come up with is the truth, and that the more well-known story is just there to dupe gullible simpletons and imbeciles who aren’t as smart and as vigilant about freedom as we are. Mark Shea has a very interesting piece on the “Real Jesus” who just happens to match whatever idee fixe the culture is obsessed with at any one time. In some ways, it parallels what you’ve written here.
Anime has an unfair advantage- I’m not sure what it is, but making pie servers in the hands of a priest a believable and scary vampire-fighting device can only be a result of some sort of very strange advantage. 😉
The appeal of Secret Knowledge is definitely older than the Church– every year we get treated to some more Gnostic based fanfiction of the Bible. (Although it seems that this year they’re busy “decoding” an actual ancient novelization of a well-known Bible story, just for some variety.)
Heck, part of why I love conspiracy theories is because the stories are so interesting– I just learned that the real stories are so much more interesting. Truth can be much, much stranger than even conspiracy theories. (Seriously, Santa punched a guy?!? Yes, yes, he felt sorry later– but still!)
The problem is also more widespread. Only about a year ago, I finally realized that this was the appeal of Bigfoot to most cryptozoology fans. They don’t care about zoology; they just like the feeling that they know some important secret that the rest of society is too stupid to understand or too fearful to accept. Ultimately, it’s a kind of mystery religion. A certain kind of atheist fits the same profile.
Don’t forget scientism or various “skeptics” societies; they’re both infamous for having little to do with their stated foundation, and a lot to do with how the advocate feels.
It’s got to be a very human flaw, because it shows up so often.
EDIT:
amazingly enough, here’s an NPR blog article that decently explains scientism:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/13.7/2013/08/13/211613954/the-power-of-science-and-the-danger-of-scientism
The author should have objected to the dismissal of scientism on the grounds it is “more of a boo-word than a label for any coherent doctrine.”
After all, the same is true of racism. White racists, black racists, and Asian racists do not all embrace the same “coherent doctrine” — they contradict each other on every point except that one race (theirs) is superior to the others. Does it follow that racism doesn’t really exist?
Probably couldn’t think of a nice way to say “um, you’re seriously claiming it doesn’t exist because the word is used in multiple ways?”
Thanks for sharing the NPR blog article.
To respect any discipline at all is to respect both its strengths and its limitations, which all of them will have for just asking different questions.
ruth can be much, much stranger than even conspiracy theories.
(Seriously, Santa punched a guy?!? Yes, yes, he felt sorry later– but
still!)
“I came to give kids presents and to punch heretics. …and I just ran out of presents” = Ho, ho, ho! XD
I got told off just for bringing that meme up in a Catholic forum once– some finger-wagger decided to deliver a sanctimonious lecture on how punching people was “totally against the spirit of St. Nicholas,” that as a Catholic, I should be ashamed to post any such meme, even in jest, because now look: all of that person’s atheists friends were saying, “haha, looks like all the saints weren’t all that holy, after all.”
I countered that this Catholic finger-wagger just wasted a valuable opportunity: it’s not saintly to go around punching people, not that St. Nicholas did. He just punched Arius at the Council of Nicea for denying Christ’s divinity. He lost his cool over what was not exactly small peanuts, and he repented. But here’s the real crux of the matter: what IS a saint, then, if the saints (excepting Our Lady) weren’t perfect?
A saint is a sinner who never gave up on God. As you point out, St. Nicholas repented. …and if saints were only those who were absolutely perfect or “nice,” where would St. Augustine, St. Jerome, and St. Athanasius be?
I’m not sure how hiding the truth is more Catholic than having fun with it– one priest that had a great effect on me as a child pointed out that Jesus’ parables were quite slapstick. (Look at a beam of wood, squared off like it would’ve been then– imagine it in someone’s eye, and they’re ignoring it. Doesn’t that at least get a smile?)
Agreed. That’s incredibly narrow.
I’m not sure that being a Catholic without a sense of humor helps anyone, including the cause of evangelization.
Perhaps there are only two “legit” ways of being Christian in so many people’s minds: being a martinet or being “nice.” Memes about St. Nicholas punching Arius over a denial of Christ’s divinity confound those easy categories, particularly in a culture where Christ is domesticated to the point of being familiar as some marshmallowy, milquetoast caricature.
Oooh, but comics like this might get through to people:
http://www.jasonbachcartoons.com/catholic-01.html
An agnostic friend of mine loved the “Feast of Ain’t Francis” one.
I’m not sure what it is, but making pie servers in the hands of a
priest a believable and scary vampire-fighting device can only be a
result of some sort of very strange advantage. 😉
And anime is perhaps the only context in which shouting out your attacks in “Engrlish,” so that your enemy knows what’s coming, is even halfway acceptable. XD
When I was a (Protestant) child, I thought that monk was a derogatory term derived from monkey.
I don’t know if I should laugh, or be worried that there’s probably a Chick Tract making that claim.
Ha ha! No; the church I attended DID have Chick tracts in the back, but I suppose he never thought up this angle. It was just a childish misunderstanding, sort of like the way I connected the fact that God told Moses that no man could see Him and live with the fact that we were told to close our eyes when we pray, and concluded that if I *DID* pray with my eyes open, I would see God and die. (When I mentioned having thought this to some of my Bible class teachers many years later, they were shocked, but it made perfect sense to me.) I had a similar suspicion that food would be poisonous if grace were not said over it.
*laughs*
Ha ha!!!
Here’s the thing about Chick tracts as forms of media: they are cheap to produce and small, so you could easily leave some of those lying around or bring a bunch of ’em with you.
I actually saw some lying around– one on every seat– at the community playhouse when my husband and I recently went there to see a play.
If only we Catholics were the same way with Catholics Come Home cards (business-card size) or cheap prayer cards.
Isn’t that disrespectful to the prayer cards?
I don’t know. Is it? If it is, then forgive my ignorance.
It’s probably why I meant cheaply manufactured prayer cards, just as a way to spread the Word. Sometimes, the Internet alone isn’t enough.
No worries, I just had a vague notion that they’re special.
http://jimmyakin.com/2007/01/old_religious_o.html
Looks like intention is important, and your “cheap ones” impulse is aimed correctly.
Heart of the matter: don’t TRY to be disrespectful, but there’s no binding teaching, and even just the custom is to burn or bury only BLESSED objects, unblessed has nothin’.
That’s a good reminder, for which I thank you.
About a year ago, I caught flak from somebody else, too, because I re-stained an old blonde-wood crucifix darker to make the white plastic corpus stand out more. Now it looks like a Baroque-era Crucifix, and I’m pleased with the job I did on it. It went from, well, That Seventies Crucifix to something soberly beautiful. I also washed the corpus, which had gathered a lot of dust, and had it re-blessed.
But that’s the internet for you: show your holy items some love and reverence– and someone else will still basically insult you by calling you names and accuse you of a lack of reverence. According to folks like that, we wouldn’t even be able to paint the statues in our churches.
Thank you for leading me to actually *research* what is expected– I’m trying to teach three kids, and my baptized-then-abandoned husband, and I’d hate to pass on false information.
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Interesting depiction of monks: THE NAME OF THE ROSE; 1986 movie with Monk Wm of Baskerville played by Sean Connery [“Baskerville” name no accident]. If such takes on history upset you, read actual history in Schaff’s 38 volumes of the writings of the church Fathers [available free on line], and you will see that no matter how fast and loose Hollywood plays, the truth is stranger and more upsetting than all the Davinci Code and cathoilicism-as-conspiracy stories. Guy McClung, San Antonio