Tiredness as a Blessing; the Necessity of Rest

Usually, when people find out that my husband and I have twelve children, there are certain comments and assumptions they tend to make, almost as a knee-jerk reaction to the revelation of our having a rather large family. Some are fantastical (You must be super patient!), while others make me laugh (Your house must be big!). Then, there are those, which give me pause, because depending on the person speaking, the comments could either be positive or negative.

“You must be so busy and tired all the time.”

“Twelve kids! How do you do it? I already have a hard time with (insert a number between 1-3) and YOU have 12!”

While I do find myself running around, occupied with a variety of things at different times of the day, I cannot say that I am always busy – as if I never got a chance to catch my breath. There are nights that find me physically spent after what may have been a particularly active day here, there, and everywhere, but there are worse ways to end a day than being tired. You just have to find that moment of rest, and many times – that is easier said than done.

Easy-Peasy- But Not Really

I happened to come across a recent comment on a 2017 Catholic Stand article by my editor, Melanie Jean Juneau, “So, HOW Do We Live in the Love of Christ?”. The comment, written by Carol, said in part:

I have been coming up against this insight again and again lately, that I need to “relax, stop striving, and let Gods love flow through me”. The problem for me is I’m not sure what relaxing actually looks like. How do you relax? (…) what DOES relaxing actually look like? What is Holy (as opposed to worldly) and loving (as opposed to selfish) relaxing? Because when I think about such relaxing I can’t even picture what it would mean. So I find it hard to begin.

It got me thinking about how much we all need rest, as human beings, and how challenging it can be to fit this into a life, which is full to the brim of things to do, places to go, and people to care for. Most parents very likely find themselves in that situation and face that challenge of how to rest, as needed. Many people, for that matter, may have the difficulty of not knowing how to rest or relax.

We are so immersed in our work, social obligations, and even the very real perception that rest and relaxation must be indulgent, invigorating, and physically pleasurable to quality as such. What to do, then, when you are a mom or dad taking care of your children, unable to steal away to a friendly neighbourhood spa for a couple of hours of childless “self-actualization and meditative mindfulness”? Are we a hopeless bunch doomed to the tedious tiredness of everyday family life? If we look to Jesus’ own examples, we will know that there is purpose and significance in human tiredness and the need for rest.

Tired and Thirsty

he left Judea and departed again, to Galilee. He had to pass through Samar′ia. So he came to a city of Samar′ia, called Sy′char, near the field that Jacob gave to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and so Jesus, wearied as he was with his journey, sat down beside the well. It was about the sixth hour (Jn. 4:1-6).

 We live in a world which seems to thrive on packing in as much activity and busy-ness into every single moment of the day, and then some. It is certain that Jesus knew about being busy and moving around so much, being surrounded by large groups of people who wanted and needed His attention. (If you are a parent, especially of young children, this must be somewhat familiar to you…)

That moment He sat down at Jacob’s well at midday was probably the first time He was able to get off His feet. God Himself made the time to take a “break”! There is something so beautiful and humbling in the knowledge that our Lord – God-made-man – felt the weariness of His body after His work. Like anyone and everyone, who has worked steadily without taking notice of himself, He needed to rest and quench His thirst. Yet – He still engaged the Samaritan woman in what would be the most significant conversation of her life, one which would have changed her forever. He paid attention to His needs but did not close Himself to another who needed His care and attention, even if she herself did not realize it immediately.

Time Alone with God

And in the morning, a great while before day, he rose and went out to a lonely place, and there he prayed. And Simon and those who were with him followed him, and they found him and said to him, “Every one is searching for you (Mk. 1:32-37).

The day and night before seemed to have been extremely busy for Jesus, His time occupied with care for those whom He had compassion, “because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” (Mt. 9:36) So the next day, “a great while before day” as St. Mark writes, He goes off to a place to be on His own – to pray.

Our Lord knows the new day will bring with it more people in need of His compassion and love, His attention and healing. As physically tired as He must have been, the obvious priority He gave to personal prayer is a sure indication to us of its significance and necessity. Jesus addresses His physical need to rest His body and takes care of His spiritual need to be in conversation with His Father. For what else is prayer but a conversation with God?

You say that you don’t know how to pray? Put yourself in the presence of God, and once you have said, ‘Lord, I don’t know how to pray!’ rest assured that you have begun to do so (St. Josemaria Escriva, “The Way”, point 90). 

Recharging Our Spiritual Batteries

How often do we go around, like those proverbial headless chickens, doing this and doing that, bent on ticking off items on our to-do list, all the time frantically convinced that only we can do what we do and the fate of the world rests on our shoulders?  In all of this scurrying back and forth, it is quite easy to overlook the One on Whom all things truly depend. Yet, carving out time in our day – a few minutes here and there – to be with Him in conversation addresses our essential need to be spiritually recharged and renewed.

Whatever it is we are engaged in, at home, work, and in the greater community, our touchstone for inner strength, perseverance, hope, and love is God. The relationship we have with Him is crucial in everything we do because it is through Him, with Him, and in Him that our lives make the most sense and have their fullest meaning. I have yet to hear of a phone which just needs to be charged once a week, for about an hour. These devices which play such a big part of the everyday goings-on of life need regular charging; otherwise, they shut down.

We are much more than just a “device”, of course. We are human beings, created by our heavenly Father – His unique, unrepeatable children! As such, our hearts, our very beings are tethered to God. It is He Who knows us best, better than we do ourselves, and Who can give us everything we need. So we need our connection with Him to be regular and constant, as rhythmic as the beat of a strong and healthy heart.

An Appointment to Keep

Simon’s words to our Lord echo those of many a toddler, child or teen, whose most pressing and immediate concerns can only be addressed and resolved by the parent, who is deemed suddenly “missing in action”: “Everyone is searching for you!” (As an aside, someone should definitely look into the direct correlation between a parent – usually the mom – going into a bathroom and the sudden influx of people in need of said parent’s attention and assistance. It is a real thing.)

Knowing that His day would be as busy as the others before, Jesus woke up earlier when He knew He would have some time to Himself. Perhaps that works for some – a very early start to the day – and for others, it could be when the baby naps, or as one is waiting for the washing machine to finish a cycle. It could be during the drive to pick someone up, or maybe that golden bit of quiet once the kids have actually nodded off to sleep. Everyone’s situation is different – what works for one may not work for another – but scattered moments throughout the day become opportunities or appointments for those conversations with God. We try to keep to a schedule, which works with our circumstances because setting a time to meet with Him is a sign of our love and desire to be with Him.

The Many Faces of Rest

Throughout scripture, Jesus shows the many possibilities for rest: being with His companions and friends, sharing a meal with them, having conversations. Rest does not mean idleness, but a change of activity to one which is not so demanding or strenuous. For those of us whose vacations are more like staycations, this means we do not have to go off to some far-flung exotic resort to be “re-energized”. The truth is that to be rested does not require much money. It could be to have some time to read a book, slowly sip our tea, play a board game with a kid, take a stroll, or take a 15-minute power nap. These provide a change of pace and moment to be refreshed.

Our time to relax and rest is still time we ultimately account for at the end of our days, and it is well spent and necessary for us to regain our strength and energy and do more.  We owe God that time to rest, as much as our circumstances allow, to care for ourselves as we ought to.

Tiredness is a Blessing

In response to Carol’s comment, a link was posted by Melanie Jean to a June 2020 Catholic Stand article by David Torkington, “God’s Love and How to Receive It”, wherein he wrote something on prayer:

Many years ago, I was privileged to attend a retreat given by Cardinal Hume. He first quoted and then slightly modified the definition of prayer given in what used to be called the penny Catechism. “Prayer,” he said, “is trying to raise the heart and mind to God.” The word he introduced to the old definition was ‘trying’, to emphasise that the essence of prayer is all in the trying.

Most people may find it odd to consider being tired a blessing. For those who have worked hard and done their best, however – dads and moms, professionals and entrepreneurs, labourers, and white-collar workers – being tired means one has done as much as one could, yet we are not alone. How truly wonderful to be able to keep on trying in all we do, knowing with faith that ultimately, the rest is up to God.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Mt. 11:28-30).